Help writing a eulogy for your mum.

What people often want to say about their mum

Most eulogies for a mum come back to the same few things: how she looked after everyone, what she taught you without meaning to, the habits the whole family would recognise, and what it felt like to be her child. You don't need to cover all of them. One clear picture of her, putting the kettle on the moment you walked in, ringing every Sunday, out in the garden, often says more than her whole life story.

Questions that help you remember her

If you're not sure where to start, answer one of these in a sentence or two. Rough notes are fine.

• What did she always say, and how did she say it?
• What did her kitchen, her handbag or her car always have in it?
• When did she surprise you?
• What did she do for other people that most of them never knew about?
• What will you miss on an ordinary Tuesday?

A simple shape for the speech

1. Open with who you are and how you'd like people to remember her today.
2. Tell one or two stories that show what she was like, with names, places and the words she used.
3. Say what she gave you and the people in the room.
4. Close by speaking to her or about her, in a line you'll be able to get through.

If you're worried about getting through it

Print it in a large font, mark where you'll pause, and practise it out loud once or twice. It's completely all right to stop, take a breath and carry on. Many people ask a relative to stand nearby with a copy, just in case. Nobody in the room is judging your delivery; they are there for her, and for you.