Help writing a eulogy for your dad.

What people often want to say about their dad

Many eulogies for a dad come back to the things he did rather than said: the lifts at midnight, the jobs he could always sort out, the advice that came out sideways, the jokes everyone had heard before. Some dads were quiet and some were the loudest person in any room. Either way, a single real scene, him at the barbecue, in the shed, shouting at the telly during the match, will bring him into the room better than a list of virtues.

Questions that help you remember him

Answer one or two of these in a line or two. Don't worry about wording yet.

• What was his phrase, the one everyone can hear in his voice?
• What could he always fix, and what could he never manage?
• What did he teach you to do, and how did he teach it?
• When did you see a side of him other people didn't?
• What would he say about all this fuss?

A simple shape for the speech

1. Introduce yourself and say a line about who he was.
2. Tell one or two stories with real details: places, names, the things he said.
3. Say what he passed on to you and to the people in the room.
4. Finish with a line to him, or one he would have said himself.

Humour and tears

A little humour is usually welcome, especially if he had a dry sense of humour himself. A good rule is to keep it warm rather than at anyone's expense, and to follow a funny moment with something sincere. If your voice goes, pause. People will wait.